Contemplating Changes: Picking Up Where I Left Off

I literally woke up like this. Well, minus the glasses, of course. You get the point.

I usually draft my blog entries in a Microsoft Word document. I spend hours or sometimes, days just editing and rewriting my own work. It's pretty stressful. Maybe, that's why I'm so lazy when it comes to blogging. I created this blog with the intention of giving myself some "me-time". I get so absorbed with my activities that I forget to let myself enjoy my free time. In the past, I haven't had much free time. However, now that I have a few months off before I start in college, I have plenty of time to do some blogging...but, I keep finding myself staring at my folder full of drafts, none of them have been published. Some of them were drafted about a year ago and I still haven't finished them. I just feel so uninspired. This is the opposite of what I wanted to feel while blogging. I've been dreaming of creating a blog for many years. Now that I have one, why don't I love it? Anyway, here I am, going totally freestyle on this one. No drafting. Minimal editing, if any. Just pure, unadulterated thoughts and feelings.

My mood hasn't been great these past few months. Being fresh out of high school has left me with a long list of responsibilities to face and changes to make. I've had plenty of new experiences since March. I'm quickly waking up to the reality that I'm running out of excuses to have other people do things for me. I'm beginning to realize that each day that passes must be lived productively. As I observe the people around me, I can't help but feel bad that I'm not progressing as fast as I thought I would. I'm still stuck here, waiting for the world to do something amazing.

I would compare myself to a writer who has a serious case of writer's block. I just don't know how to start the next chapter of the story. Heck, I don't think I've even finished writing the last page of the previous chapter.

As I'm watching the remaining days of May roll by, I feel saddened. I have accomplished so little and I'm getting sick of seeing the same old things. I want to make changes. No big, crazy changes yet. I wouldn't want to overwhelm myself. I just want to take it one step at a time. I know, I know... This is starting to look like an open letter to myself. Whatever. It's not like anyone's viewing my blog at this state, anyway.

Here are some changes I'd like to make:

• Clean my room and rearrange some stuff
• De-clutter my storage 
• Finish reading the books I left because I got bored/interested with some other book 
• Shake up my exercise routine that has been stagnant for a week
• Sew some notebook pages together as I do every year
• Get a haircut and get my pixie cut back in August 
• Complete my unfinished paintings 
• Clean up my laptop's contents 
• Take out the clothes I no longer wear and narrow down my options to those I really do wear
• If possible, buy some new clothes that I'll actually wear. 
• Spend less time being unproductive on the internet. 
• Finish my blog post drafts and get them published. 
• Revamp this blog. Seriously. 

The last one is at the bottom of my list; but, that doesn't mean it's at the bottom of my priorities. I just want to revamp this blog. Shake things up a bit. Give it a lighter atmosphere. I'm planning on ditching the dark theme. It's getting pretty old. I want something fresh, something light, something colourful, something... Something NEW! I'm thinking watercolour washes, blotches, and random patterns as a background. A couple of dreamcatchers, maybe? [They seem to represent me now. I have a bunch of dreamcatcher stuff.] The header really needs to go. The whole configuration needs to change. I want to start from something bare and work my way up. It will be a blog renovation. I'm still keeping my main theme and blog name, though. [It was really hard to come up with a name!] I just don't want my blog to reflect my somber mood. I want it to uplift me, not make me feel like it reflects the colour of my soul [Hahaha, I'm kidding]. 

Basically, I just want something new. I want change and I'm ready for it. So...wish me luck, I suppose? Until then, this is still the same me, signing off.